Call Nancy Drew!  I’ve got a case for her. 

Ever since I weaned Maya a few weeks ago I’ve noticed a disturbing trend – my boobs are deflating!  I was always small anyway, and never minded before… but this is getting ridiculous.   Now, I knew some minor sagging was to be expected, and just went with the territory-  but this  is a tad bit more than I expected. Maybe it just seems that way because I didn’t have much to start with. Or maybe because the change from my relatively large nursing set seems overtly drastic.  But to go from a full, perky “A” to a not-so-perky “nearly-A” in a matter of days is, to be perfectly honest, kind of depressing. 

I’ve always been a staunch advocate for the Itty Bitty- (well… you know)- Committee.  I loved not having to worry about having to haul around a huge set of boobs everywhere I went.   My tiny breasts complimented my atheletic figure. And whenever I read about women longing for boob jobs, I kind of felt sorry for them. I thought it was mere insecurity and lack of self-confidence talking.  And now I find myself among their ranks!  Well, not quite yet, but I definitely see where they are coming from.  There is something almost horrifying about working your butt off to lose the baby weight and get  back into your size 2’s, only to  look in the mirror one day to discover your tiny, nearly-nonexistent pooch  of leftover baby fat suddenly sticks out farther than your chest.  And that, because of your newly deflated breasts, what was once a flat tummy no longer looks quite-so-flat (although I know it still is.)  I never realized how big of a role proportion could play when it comes to body image.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not regretting my decision to breastfeed. In fact if I had to go back and do it again, knowing what I now know, I would do it again a million times.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t lament their former glory, right?  I mean, plenty of women mourn the loss of their pre-baby bodies, but it doesn’t mean they regret having children. 

I think right now my problem, however, isn’t my boobs.  It’s my refusal to let go of the past.  Change is inevitable. Nothing ever stays the same.  Life keeps moving forward despite how hard we try to fight it.  And with forward progress comes change.  As the Buddha once said, “You only lose what you cling to.”

So what I need to do now is let go and accept things as they are. That is the key to happiness.

Now I just have to remember that every time I look in the mirror….